Message to the Bizza

Hey Dude, where's my book?????????
I need some entertainment and reading material, ya know?

TMI Tuesday

Ok, so the Bizza does the TMI's so I guess I will too............but his answers always seem entertaining. Mine seem, well, let's face it. Just boring. That being said, here we go......

1. Would you stay in a relationship with an physically unfaithful partner?
I don't love very easily, and to be honest, in my whole life I have only loved one man. I will love him through thick and thin. I also love myself and will love myself through thick and thin. Staying in a relationship can be hard for me--I have tendencies to want to run. But if I knew he still loved me, still wanted me then I would work through the issues provided I could do so and be true to the love of myself. I guess that means in simple terms that I would work through it but I would not allow myself to continually be hurt over and over again. And I would work hard on learning to trust him again and look for him to be working with me. And of course, sex has nothing to do with love. If he was in love with her and physically unfaithful, I'd probably need to take a walk. I could never share his heart. His body, perhaps. But not his heart.

2. Would you stay in a relationship with an emotionally unfaithful partner?
Oh hell no.................
Seriously, we'd have to have a conversation and find out whether I had been available emotionally and why he strayed for emotional support. It would depend on the depth of the emotional unfaithfulness. I can't be his everything, although I wish I could be. There may be areas where I can't give him the emotional support he needs in a certain area. But if he was out there giving his heart to another and becoming emotionally attached, I wouldn't be able to handle that............... I want to take his heart. And I want to give him mine.

3. On a scale of 1-10, how important is the recognition of birthdays to you (your's, a friend's, a partner's)?
I think it's pretty important, let's go with an 8. But if I need to remind you, then the importance of your remembering it is a 0. Zelch. Nada.

4. When you have a "toe-curling" orgasm, do your does curl up, or down?
I'm gonna have to say they curl downward. But what amazes me more than the toes curling, is how beautiful the angels sound in chorus.

5. Every one has a pet peeve, tell me one of yours.
Judging others based on matters that don't really matter, like materialistic things. Not accepting people for who they area. Pretense.

Bonus (as in optional):Name someone famous who you have no sexual interest in but would have sex with just to brag about it?
Oh geesh, what's that ugly porn star's name? Oh yeah, Ron Jeremy........................ Nope, never mind. Changed my mind. Just had a mental image there.

It's snowing, it's snowing..........

My dog absolutely loves it. He's what I refer to as a special dog. Most nights we entertain ourselves here by watching him chase his tail and sit and look at lights. If he comes across a flashlight, he'll eat the darn thing. But for tonight, he's simply content sliding around the back deck like Bambi and catching snowballs in his mouth. Life doesn't get much better!!

Journeys..............

The journey is going great. I've done so much thinking and things are changing inside of me. I feel really great and content--at the moment anyways!! And I am fortunate because I shared with my love some things I was needing and what a sweetheart he is. Delivering everything I asked for and so much more. And I recognized in myself that I also needed to be more giving, more loving and I am trying to give more as well. It's amazing what happens when both are doing that. Sometimes we just take what we have for granted.

I loved reading everyone's first childhood memory. Thank you for sharing. It's funny how it shows an insight to who people are. Sometimes it's hard to believe that child is you. At least to me, that girl who comes to my mind now and then seems like someone else, another time, another life. It's strange how our mind works and how some people remember little things, how other people don't. At times life is racing, I find myself looking at my kids and finding it hard to believe they are all grown up. At other times, I look back and it's like watching a movie backwards in slow motion--it all seems so long ago. I wish I had started a dairy back when I was a kid and had kept it up. It would be interesting to look back and see what I was thinking when I made some of the choices that I made. I suppose it's never to late and I could start one now. Wow, could you imagine your kids ever reading something like that after you're gone? I wonder if I would shock them with some of the things I've done, some of the thoughts I've had?

At any rate, I have nothing to write about so I guess I better go steal some TMI off someone's blogs and see what I come up with .....................

Life...........

I think I'm back to becoming me, but I have alot more me to learn about. I've been a little depressed lately, had some fun lately, been stressed at work, had busy holidays......you know the drill.


But I am on a new mission. It started with a question. What's your first childhood memory? And with that simple question that other people answer with a moment's thought, came my realization. There are pieces of my life missing. Being a victim of some childhood abuse, I always thought it wasn't to bad. I always thought damn, there are others who have had it really bad. I had some great times. At times I lived with grandparents who spoiled the hell out of me. But my sister reminded me tonight of the time mom was crumpled laying on the floor, strangled to a point where we thought she was dead. I reminded my sister that it was me who called the cops the night her dad showed up with a gun at our mom's new boyfriend's house. My sister reminded me we left mom's fourth hubby in Montana when we went there to visit once (damn, I wish I could remember what the jerkass did. I can't believe Mom would just leave him there. More power to that woman!!!). And we talked about how times have changed in the last twenty to thirty years. And we talked about other things that maybe one day will find themselves onto pages to be shared to help others. But that's not important. What's important is this want to understand me. Not to blame others. I understand them. I understand my mom--who she was, why she did some of the things she did. Love is not always easy to understand. I think my mission is more to understand the unconscious mechanisms I put in place to protect myself. I feel like I'm starting this journey a little late in life, but what the heck.

I think I am realizing that I have some patterns I'd like to change..........I'm not sure I can. But they are patterns that I think have stopped me from having the relationship with a lifelong partner that I have always envisioned. I do things to drive those people away from me at times. I guess being aware of our actions is the first step in changing our behaviors. I might just need a good therapist :-) At any rate, we all have our pasts which have helped to shape our today's and our views of family, love and life.

Spent a wonderful night in Portland with my guy (can one believe he still doesn't have a blog name???) this weekend and I am just back to reality today. Going to meet one of my sisters for a movie and then hopefully, I'll think of something creative or different to cook. Anything to keep me away from the vacuuming which beckons.

So my two wonderful blog friends, share your first childhood memory on my blog...................

Being Tagged.....

So http://inevitabletruth.blogspot.com/ tagged me and it dawns on me, I don't even know how to link :-) And I'm copying the rules from his blog too.

Here's how it's supposed to work: Link to the person that tagged you, post the rules on your blog. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs (this is pushing it....links to their blogs now too????). I don't even have seven bloggers that I'm aware of....... Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I need a lift today so seven random or weird thoughts about myself--here we come. Who thinks of this stuff? Better yet, who cares about this stuff?

1) I have a wild girl who lives inside of me. She's gone by different names throughout my life......everything from Wild Child to Sally. She came out last Saturday night. I don't feel good about me. That's all I'm gonna say.

2) I know that a whale's penis is called a dork.

3) I smother my son. He's a mama's boy. I'm working on being better......trying to let him be a man. It's hard for me. But I love the closeness between both my kids and me so it isn't negative.

4) I met my ex-hubby when I had to much to drink and winked at his buddy. He caught the wink instead. Biggest wink mistake of my life.

5) Sharks can change their sex. A male one day, the next a female.

6) I want to run away. I don't want to face anything. I just want to lay on the beaches on the Caribbean and forget everything stupid I have ever done.

7) Sometimes death scares me, sometimes life scares me. Sometimes life is one hell of a fun journey. I spend to much time philosophying and thinking instead of letting life happen. I get impatient. I want it now.

Ok..........so, seven bloggers to tag? Let me see who I can find out there in internet blog heaven....