I am living proof that God is, in fact, a man. There is no way on this earth a female would subject her likeness to the roller-coaster of emotions that go with menopause. I've been upbeat my whole life, and the last few days, I find myself getting tears in my eyes. I'm not really sad, am I? Surely that one lone whisker on my chin has not subjected me to tears, or has it????? I have to watch upbeat movies right now, the others bring me down even further.
I find myself lonely with my son gone. I never realized that I would miss him. At first I liked the cupboards full of food, the house staying clean. But now it has an emptiness. Don't get me wrong, I don't want him back. I want him to venture out and become a man. I just never realized how much I would miss him. But in his moving out, it has also become apparent to me how close the three of us are. How much him and his sister love each other. How much I love them both. How there are some things I did right in raising them, and how there are some things I wish I could go back in time and redo. I love taking credit for the good, blaming the ex for the bad............. I'm kidding, kinda.
My daughter is still a delight. But she is spending more time alone in her room. This is leaving me in this big, empty house with nothing to do but watch my dog chase his tail. That or sit at the computer and play endless game after game of mahjong or hope that my fellow bloggers will post something that will bring a laugh from deep within my belly.
I have even toyed with the idea of needing a roommate (nooo, silly. Not that kind of roommate. I still have my love of my life). No, a roommate just to, well, hell, I don't know. To make some noise in the house or something? To mow the lawn?
Then I toy with the idea of really downsizing for my daughter and myself. Find some small little place which leaves me with more money at the end of each month. Maybe college for her wouldn't seem so far out of reach then.
Anyway, I'm sure I'm not the first nor I will be the last to wander through this vast array of emotions and to ponder why God couldn't have been a woman and saved me from this rollercoaster. Just send laughs :-)